Stronger

So I think it is safe to say that Keira is getting stronger or at the very least more prevalent. I’ve been getting more confident doing certain things, I know for a lot of you this will seem like small stuff, but for me it’s a step in the right direction. Normally when buying clothes, makeup, anything girl related I would order it online and patiently wait at my flat for it to arrive. The last few times however I’ve been getting in delivered to stores or just going in and buying it. The last time I needed razors, shaving foam and nail polish remover I just went to Superdrug and bought them. Like I said a super small stuff but huge for me.

I’m also improving at makeup, learning that when it comes to foundation less is more, I still suck at eyeliner but I am getting better at it. Oh and my nails are finally a nice square shape. InstagramCapture_ee9400fc-259b-4a01-a55b-8d3502e20285I’m going to have to cut them soon for going home which sucks but they do look much nicer pained these days. WP_20150906_004Considering I’m still really far in the closet having a handbag is incredibly pointless, regardless look how pretty it is!!!

A few weeks ago I was having a few drinks at a friend’s Kristy’s flat. She was celebrating finishing her placement and had invited her nursing friends and friends from her home village on a night out. I was talking with a close friend (Kristy’s boyfriend John) and another guy when it was mentioned about someone they knew who had broken their jaw broken and how hard it was for them to talk. I came so close to telling them about how a few days ago when I had a facemask on and it hardened so much I couldn’t open my mouth. It was literally almost out of my mouth before I realised that I was about to say.

Another time when I was having dinner at Kristy and John’s we were sitting round the dinner table on our phones and whatnot. When Kristy said to John show her the picture. I clocked the ‘her’ right away and was quite pleased that she had said it. Kristy remained unaware of what she had said until John corrected her. It was played off as if Kristy had made a silly slip of the tongue. It got me thinking and got me a little paranoid, is there something about me that people are subconsciously picking up on that comes across as a feminine? Then the paranoia kicked in and I’m like maybe they’ve found this blog and already know? So genuine question if any of you guys reading this are able to figure out or know my male identity, please let me know.

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5 thoughts on “Stronger

  1. Lovely to hear how you’re getting on – don’t worry, I still suck at eyelining and have given up on the top eyelid – just a hint along the bottom seems to work ok, (plus lashings of mascara). I agonised over the whole identity thing but came to the conclusion that the context in which we encounter people has a great deal to do with how we recognise and remember them. See, (or in your case, read about), someone where you don’t expect to, and nine and a half times out of ten we just don’t put two and two together. Be careful with Facebook for Keira if you go down that road – there are easy ways and means to keep the two of you separate but you do have to be fairly vigilant otherwise family members could get asked if they know the ‘other’ you! (Happy to help, btw if you want to do that). Anyway, congratulations on what you’ve achieved – having just had a couple of weeks of intensive Siobhan time myself, I know how satisfying it can be. xSib

    • Yeah, I have no plans to create a Keira Facebook anytime soon. Mainly because I don’t know what I’d use it for if it was private from my friends.

      Glad you had some intense Siobhan time x

      K

  2. This comment isn’t specifically about the post “Stronger”, but a general comment about your entire blog. You have ability to draw the reader into your world. I read “Stronger” and a couple others on my first visit, but later returned to your site and read everything you have written. It’s brilliant!

    One burning question for your consideration. In September 2014 you had a meeting scheduled with a psychologist. That session was rescheduled for October. That was the last mention of it. Did you eventually have your meeting? If yes, was it beneficial to you?

    • Wow Kati, thanks for the really kind words.

      Yeah long story short I was a bit low around that time and starting a new job where I would be a roaming fundraiser for a few charities. I basically wimped out and didn’t go I haven’t even thought about rescheduling it.

      I’m not really in a place right now where I feel comfortable moving forward with living as a girl. It feels as though if I did have the appointment I’d be committing to life I’m not even 100% sure I want. Well it’s not so much that I don’t want it, I just don’t want all the drama and stress that comes with it. If there was some sort of magic button I could press where I could skip to the end and just be a proud and out trans-woman then I would. Again it just comes down to me being a wimp. Like buying stuff at Superdrug, it’s baby steps for me.

      • Thanks for your reply. It was kind of you to write. I understand about having second thoughts. I’m a third, fourth, and fifth thought kind of person. However, seeing a professional in a confidential environment doesn’t have to be equated with an absolute commitment to a life-changing transition. It might simply help clarify things for you and give a clearer way forward. Just a thought. All the best, Keira. Kati

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