I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I’m shit scared about the prospect of transitioning. The thought of have to come out and live that life absolutely terrifies me. Yet at the same time I feel an overwhelming sense of urgency, that it’s something I need to start doing sooner rather than later. While I know that you can and many do begin transitioning later in life, I would rather do while I’m still relatively young, mainly because I want to be able to enjoy it. I want to be able to all the things that are socially acceptable for a young woman to do. Ideally I thing I’d like to have started transitioning by the time I’m 30, which gives me four years. That may seem like a long time off, but many will know that these things can creep up faster than you expect. I know I’m past the age range when transitioning young can have a greater impact on your body with development and so on, but for some reason I still have it in my head that the sooner I do it the better/more effective it will be. It’s a weird kind of conflict, part of me doesn’t want to do it at all and the other part is upset that I didn’t figure all this out earlier, like I’m running behind and trying to play catch up. I think basically it comes back to my childhood thing of wishing I was born a girl, wishing I could wake up in the morning the opposite sex. I want to skip to the finish line without having to go through all the work, the stress and the general hard times. But hey life is found in the journey, not at the destination. Whatever way this all turns out, I expect to be a profoundly different person by the time my 30th rolls round.