Seen this on Romy’s blog and because I was struggling to think of something to write about today I thought I’d give it a shot. I think I’ve covered a lot of it already, so this can be a bit of a recap.
1. Imagine you could start life over, right from the moment you were born. Knowing everything you know now, you get to choose what sex you were born.
What choice would you make?
I would absolutely choose girl, it’s a wish that I’ve had since childhood, that I could still be me, but that I could wake up one morning and everyone would think I had always been a girl.
Why did you make that choice?
It feels right. I’m not sure how else to describe other than it makes me feel solid, it makes me feel content.
What might be better about your life as the sex you chose?
Recently, even though I’ve only been doing small things like having my toe nails painted, and wearing girl clothes and make up in private, I have in general been happier and more content even in boy mode. I think this might be the reason, so I would hope that living full time as Keira, would bring around more of the same.
What might be worse about your life as the sex you chose?
I think at the start it would be pretty weird for both me and my friends\family to see me in girl mode for the first time. Not to mention actually having to tell them and dealing with the fallout. In general I also try to keep to myself and typically avoid confrontation. I can imagine going out and about in public will attract a lot of stares and comments, something I would very much like to avoid.
2. Now try a slight twist on your hypothetical: Imagine you could start life over, right from the moment you were born. Knowing what you know now, you get to choose to change one, and only one, of two things: (1) you can change the sex you were born as or (2) you can change your feelings so you never have gender identity issues. That is, if you are Female-to-Male you can choose to be born as a boy or be born as a girl without ever feeling you should have been a boy.
Humm that’s a tuff one, but I think I would choose girl, for the simple reason that if I didn’t have theses feeling then I don’t think I would be me anymore; and all things considered I quite like being me. I know being born a girl would change me too, but again the choice just feels right.
3. Most people are gender-schematic That’s a psychology term for people’s tendency to divide people into boys and girls. Thinking back, try to remember a time where somebody of your target sex said, “Oh you just think/feel that way because you’re a man/woman.”
How did you feel about being grouped that way?
Honestly the times I can remember this happening are times when I intentionally said stuff that guys “are supposed to say”. I have had it reversed though; where girls have said that I’m not very sexist or typically chauvinistic, and that’s something I take an enormous amount of pride in.
Did this cause you any hurt feelings?
No, simply because I was saying it intentionally.
How did you respond?
Can’t remember, but I imagine the conversations probably just carried on as normal.
4. In general, how gender schematic are you? That is, do you often say things like “boys are x, and girls are x,” or do you try to minimize the groupings others make by saying things like “maybe boys and girls are different like you say, but it’s not a very big difference.”
I do think there are differences, but they’re not that big. I’m very much of the mind that each sex can do things more commonly associated with the other just as well as each other.
5. Have you ever purposely dressed as or purposely behaved like your target sex?
I dress as a girl in private whenever I get the opportunity. It has always been at the back of my mind that a lot of my mannerisms are quite feminine. I use to correct this when I noticed, but since embracing my trans-ness I’ve stop bothering, I’m what I like to call “leaning into it”.
Did you do this in a ‘big’ or ‘small’ way? Example: A small way is wearing certain accessories around (scrunchies, nail polish, ect), and a big way would be going out presenting as your desired sex for a day (or longer).
I’m still at the small way stage, I have spent large portions of the day dressed as a girl, but as I’ve said that’s in private. I wear clear mascara everyday now, and more often than not I have my toenails painted. I also tend to wear a lot of bangles and stuff, some of them of ones for girls.
If you haven’t done this, why not?
The big way is because of fear and nerves. I’ve been at the front of my flat a few times and been spotted by neighbours and passer-by’s wearing skinny jeans and boots. In general I try not to care, but I have received a few stares. It’s still a little weird for me when other people see dressed as a girl even in such a minimal way.
6. Have you ever been accused of purposely dressing or purposely behaving like your target sex even though you weren’t intentionally doing that?
Yes, a few times. I remember when I was younger sitting with my legs crossed and someone telling me that was how girls sit. Also I tent to gesture with my hands quite a lot when talking about something that excites me. Recently when doing this a friend pointed out that I was quite feminine in how I was doing it.
7. Has somebody ever pointed out how an aspect of your behaviour is like your target sex even though you weren’t aware of it?
I don’t know if this is necessarily a feminine thing, but my flatmate recently pointed out I tend to sing some sentences and will draw out syllables when speaking.
How did that make you feel?
I’m fine with it.
What did you think?
Just interested, as it was something that I didn’t realise I did.
Have you taken steps to not have traits like your target sex?
I use to, sort of. If I caught myself something doing feminine, I would correct it. For years I also fought the urge to dress as a girl.
8. During your early childhood (before puberty) what were your friends like? Describe your best friends.
My best friend would have been my cousin Tofer, but I also use to hang out with a girl who lived next door to me. At that age I guess she was what you would call a tomboy. Most of my friends were my cousins and a mixture between girls and boys.
Were they boys or girls?
See above, I mixture between the two.
What were your favourite types of play?
Yeah we built tree houses, played tag and had water balloon fights, played Power Rangers. Though when I was very young I use to like playing house a lot with my cousins, which I guess isn’t the most masculine of games to want to play. I was never really in to sports either.
9. When you played with toys designed for your biological sex, did you play with them in the typical way?
Mainly I just played with Lego, frickin’ love Lego. I’ve always enjoyed building and designing things. Normally I would build robots, vehicles and forts for all my Lego guys to hang out in.
10. What do your friend choices and activity choices tell you about who you are?
Honestly, it’s doesn’t really tell me very much, there seems to be a mixture between typically boy and girl activities; and Lego is fairly gender neutral. Though I guess if I had to chose I probably leaned a little heavier to the boy side.
Were there activities you were forbidden to do that you really wanted to do?
Nothing springs to mind. If anything I think my parents would have liked it if I did more. I do remember wanted to do gymnastics, but I never pursued it because for some reason I had it in my head that it was for girls and that people at school would make fun of me for doing it.
Why were you forbidden to do that?
Not forbidden, my Mum would have let me go to the classes, I chose not to.
How did you respond?
I was a little sad I guess.