A Little Bit Frustrating

It’s starting to get a bit frustrating that I can’t do more to explore my female identity. Granted this is my own fault as I’m still in the closet and still not brave enough to tell anyone. Basically I really want to begin shaving my body hair, but as I’m said before am unable to as doing so wouldn’t go unnoticed by my friends. I think the real turning point came when I shaved my feet and was surprised by how much nicer they looked. Previously I had always assumed that if I hypothetically shaved my legs that they would still look pretty ugly and guy-ish, but since my feet turned out all right I’m beginning to think that maybe legs could look nice as well. Maybe my knobbly knees wouldn’t look too bad… I know I’d need to moisturise them and stuff, but I’m kind of looking forward to it.

I’m also wearing clear mascara everyday now, so far no one as noticed, I’ve also got clear nail polish on my toes. I’m hoping that if an impromptu game of floppy sock breaks out that no one will notice. I’m at the point where it’s not feeling like enough, though I always feel like this for a few days after I get weekend of presenting as a girl. Which, in itself is causing problems, twice this weekend I ignored my friend when she called at my flat. I did this because at the time when she knocked on the door I was dressed as a girl and in the middle of painting my nails. I want to be able to present as a girl more often, but I’m still not ready to tell people. In a years time, there is a very good chance that I’ll be living on my own as my flatmate will have finished University and be living back at home. This thought is becoming more and more appealing to me; as I’d be able to do girl stuff more often. The part that worries me is that I could end up cutting myself off from my friends if I don’t tell them the truth.

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